Secret Pain
by isnani
Summary: Who would have thought a 38 year old man, falling for an 18 year old girl? But yes, it happened.


_A/N: This is a revised version. It's actually an inspiration from lara-sanders' RW/HG fic 'Giving Her Away'. And if you are a fan of the Sirius/Hermione pairing, be a sweetheart and join my fanlisting. Click on my name above to get the url._**

* * *

Secret Pain  
  
**

Harry's death had gotten everyone thoroughly upset, especially the both of them. They had lost their one true friend. I felt totally useless! A total loser. How I wish I was kept in that Veil I was thrown into.  
  
It was during Harry's sixth year when they figured a way to free me from that horrible place. But after Harry's death, I felt my comeback to this world was a total waste! I failed to protect him! I failed my promise to my best friend.  
  
All in all, it was her who had to suffer the most. She had lost both her parents during the final battle, even her beloved cat, Crookshanks whom I myself had befriended to. It pained me to see her in such grief. Her, the most amazing girl… no, '_woman'_ I have ever laid eyes upon. It was her who had figured the way to free me from the Veil. It was also her who gave me a reason to move on.  
  
Who would have thought a 38 year old man, falling for an 18 year old girl? But yes, it happened. That 'old' man is me. Sirius Black. I first saw her at Hogwarts during her third year when I was trying to sneak into the Gryffindor common room, though our first meeting was in the Shrieking Shack.

Now I stand here in my tuxedo. She had insisted to have it the muggle way. She requested every guest from the Wizarding World to come in formal muggle clothing. I stood behind the door waiting to make the grand entrance. To everyone's oblivion, every passing moment felt like a horrible tear in my heart. I still remember the day when she came up to me… 

Flashback

_"Sirius," the only voice I love lingered. _

_"Yeah?"  
  
"__Umm… you know, the ceremony takes place next month…"  
  
My heart which had already dropped the day they had announced their engagement dropped further at the reminder.  
  
"Umm… yeah? What about it?" I asked in my best casual tone.  
  
"I just wanted to ask if you will, umm… give me away?"  
  
'GIVE HER AWAY?!! No way!' I thought.  
  
"Sirius?"  
  
She must have seen my horrified face since she asked me if I was alright.  
  
"Well, it's just that.., since my father… umm's not here… and Harry- well…"  
  
Tears were already forming in her beautiful caramel eyes. I did not have the heart to reject her request. I simply could not bear to see her cry. I finally agreed to do it, despite my selfish love for her.  
  
_End of Flashback

I sighed at the memory. She will never see me as anything but a father figure.  
  
There she is, standing right next to me, arm tangled elegantly onto my right one. I turned to look at her now nervous face. She was biting her glossy lips every now and then. I had the urge to scold her for bruising those delicate lips.  
  
Draped in white satin muggle wedding gown which flowed down that it took two little girls to hold it up behind her, clutching a bouquet of mixed white daisies and roses, with a see-through veil covering her serene face, she looked ever so beautiful that even an angel would have a hard time trying to look better. It took everything in me not to sweep her up and run away to have her all for myself.  
  
Finally, the big carved wood door opened. 'Oohs' and 'aahs' were heard all over the room when they caught sight of her. The music started, and I reluctantly escorted her down the aisle. With every each step I took, I could feel my heart being ripped, as if a giant hand was squeezing it into a lump meat.  
  
I was in my own thoughts that I did not hear the priest repeated his question, "AHEM! Who gives this woman, Hermione Jane Granger, in marriage to this man, Ronald Bilius Weasley?" It took a nudge from Hermione to take me back to reality. 

"Huh?" I asked lamely, "Oh, umm…"

I forced myself not to look at either Ron or Hermione, because if I do, I knew the strength I'd gathered these past few weeks will be wasted away.  
  
"I do."  
  
With that, I handed Hermione over to Ron. My heart throbbed so painfully at my own actions that I had to rub my chest. Of course, no one took notice of it. I took a seat next to my only left friend and reluctantly looked back at the couple who was now staring lovingly at each other.  
  
Yes. Ron and Hermione were meant to be. But I can't help it if it makes me sick in the inside. The both of them had started dating secretly in their fifth year during their stay at my obnoxious house. They need not say it, but I knew from the beginning, since I had been spying Hermione with my eyes wherever she goes.  
  
I felt a hand on my arm as I snapped back up again into reality to see the newly married couple happily kissing each other. I turned to the owner of the hand on my arm.

"I'm so sorry, mate," he said in a low voice that only I could hear.  
  
"Whatever for, Remus?"  
  
"You know, Padfoot. I'm not as dense as you think."  
  
I was shock! How did he know?  
  
"Damn you, Moony! Why must you always know everything?" I growled back.  
  
My friend could only laugh back, but not me. I don't think I could laugh after today. I turned to look at Ron's sister who was sitting next to me, but was only taken aback when I saw the sympathetic look she gave me.  
  
Am I that obvious? I guess this secret pain was not a secret after all…  
  
_

* * *

__A/N: Well, what do you think? I'm a big fan of R/Hr, but also a big fan of SB/Hr. Review please. And before that, again, if you're a fan of the Sirius/Hermione pairing, please join my fanlisting. Click on my name above to get the url._


End file.
